The Things That Lurk Under the Surface

Copyright (c) 2011 Kim Schuld

I love to swim in the ocean and lakes with one condition - no weeds or plant matter of any sort can touch my legs. I don't like feeling those things that lurk beneath the surface. It's bad enough if the water is somewhat murky and I can't see my feet, but please-oh-please don't let there be a forest of underwater weeds or a clump of sea kelp anywhere near me! But sometimes, as I swim through life, something under my own surface will grab my attention and catch me off-guard as much as that seaweed I can't see. My immediate reaction is to get away from it as quickly as possible. But when what you feel are some of the bits and pieces of your own past hurts breaking free and floating around inside you, there's nowhere to run or swim away to.

It's easy to say we've put the past behind us. You make a conscious choice to not dwell on it, to look forward and to be hopeful. That's how the transformation starts. We make a production out of saying we forgive someone who has hurt us. Or perhaps we write a letter to someone we can no longer reach and let the burning ashes take our pain away with them as they float to the sky. Maybe it's as easy as deleting them from your cell phone or crossing them out in your address book.

But maybe it's not. Maybe there are little bits and pieces still lurking inside that need to be felt fully before they are truly released.

Over the past month or so, I've been sort of half-listening to some interviews with relationship coaches and EFT coaches (emotional feeling techniques) as I plugged away on my own work. So, maybe I was predisposed to pay attention to a few things that were lurking, or perhaps the discussions permeated my subconscious and broke off old pieces like barnacles from the bottom of a boat. Whatever the impetus, I didn't know that things were lurking under my surface as I went to get a Thai Yoga Massage to help me get past a physical injury that was preventing me from running.

The practitioner invited me to set an intention at the beginning of the treatment, something I could say over and over in my head while she worked on my body. I've gotten approximately 536,781 massages over the years, but I have never used that time to consciously think about something I wanted to make happen, or about something I wanted to release. I usually just let my mind wander, talk to the therapist, or if it's a relaxation massage, sleep. This time, I thought that maybe I should try to release something in my current life that was stressing me out - something that might be lurking in my tight muscles and injured tendons.

As she started, I repeated the "I release _____" mantra in my head. I could feel myself totally relaxed, almost as though I was floating on the surface of the water.

And then, the seaweed struck. As I released one thing, another piece would float up that I didn't even know was still in there and I would have to release that too. And soon I was seeing people I hadn't forgiven, anger I didn't know I felt at people in my life, anger I was still using to explain someone from my past and it was attacking me from all sides. I felt like I had floated into the seaweed forest and I was getting tangled up in the long ropes.

But then the big one hit - I hadn't forgiven myself. I thought I had because I wrote it in my journal, but that was just a first step. Making the choice to forgive myself wasn't the full process. I was suddenly in tears as my body was releasing this long-held hurt and I had no control over it. You see, I had mentally gone through the process of forgiveness, but I had stopped there. I never really allowed myself to fully feel the weight of forgiving myself. I needed to accept my own forgiveness in order to be completely done with it.

It was a really amazing moment. Luckily, I felt completely safe in the presence of my friend to let myself sink further and further into those weeds. I got even a little further in as the self-forgiveness washed away and I had to face some sadness over being single that I had been pretending wasn't there. That's hard to let myself feel because I can't do, sell, create, or buy anything to change that. I can't make someone love me, so feeling that sadness feels like a problem I can't solve. But it's still there and it needs to be released as well. By the end of our session, I had floated free of the weeds.

So the tip for you in the story is this: don't avoid the full weight and feeling of the little bits and pieces of your past that float up. They have to be dealt with and felt for you to be completely free of them. If you can take a little time to find a relaxed place and state of mind, you can do the same thing I did. Start by saying "I release ___________" and name the most obvious stress in your life. As you say this over and over and breathe deeply, whatever else is lurking below and needs attention will float to the surface when it's ready and you can pick it up and release it as well. Just feel it, and release it. And be kind to yourself.


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Kim Schuld is a nationally published writer and speaker who spent over
twenty years in politics honing messages on complex issues. Kim now uses
her talents to help people see through confusion to pinpoint problems
and solutions, and to find their heart-felt callings as a life journey
coach. You can find out more about Kim by clicking here