What's the Dieting Sorority? Are You a Member?

Copyright (c) 2011 Kim Schuld

When I think about a sorority, the first image that comes to mind is Elle Woods from the movie Legally Blonde. All the girls look like they've just stepped out of a Barbie doll box. They look the same, they talk the same and they dress the same. And I'm not one of them and wouldn't want to be one of them - no individuality, no one who looks different, and no one with a unique perspective.

But as I have worked to break free from the negative body images I've held since childhood and misguided beliefs about what made me attractive, I had to face the truth: I have been in a sorority of sorts for as long as I have been worried about these things - THE DIETING SORORITY!

I mean, think about how we bond with other girls and women - we are all dieting, or talking about which of our body parts we hate, and mastering what Jessica Weiner calls The Language of Fat practically from Kindergarten. When young girls want to be mean to another girl, they call her FAT - she's not allowed in the sorority. And then we enter our teenage years in mortal fear of being kicked out of the sorority, so we starve ourselves in public and use "sleepovers" as excuses to pig out on junk food just so we can stay in the club.

And as adults how would we bond with women if we weren't talking about those things? How would your friendships and connections be different if you didn't have dieting in common? I have some "friends" who came into my life because we had dieting and working out in common. But after years of lunches and birthday dinners, it's sad to realize that for many of them, that's about as deep as our friendship ever got. All we talk about is what they eat or don't eat.

Don't get me wrong - I believe wholeheartedly in being supportive of each other's goals and having workout buddies to keep you accountable. But the real question I am posing here is this - how do you feel about yourself when you leave a gathering of women when the topic of the evening is dieting? Do you feel empowered or like a failure?

If you are struggling with your diet and fitness goals, and you have a negative self-image that gets in the way of those goals, can you see how surrounding yourself with women who talk incessantly about whether they've been "good" or "bad" that day can hold you back? Or maybe you play it safe and just hang out with the women who are like you — they complain about their latest dieting failure while they reach for the Doritos — because you feel safer there.

Either way, you are in the Dieting Sorority.

How do we escape? It's a complete change of our mindset. I am not saying you don't need to be mindful of what you are eating, or don't need to be committed to your intense exercise program. What I am asking you is, "What else do you want to offer to the world?" Why can't that be what people see before they even know that you are on a diet or lost 120 pounds following a strict plan? You are so much more than your diet or your workout!

A few years ago I was shocked (but really blessed) when one of my "fitness friends" told me that she was glad we had been spending more time together outside the gym because for over a year she knew only two things about me - I was single and hated it, and I hated my body. What I had used to bond with the group had actually steered people away from wanting to get closer to me, and had demoralized me in private, which sabotaged my efforts.

Once I stopped beating myself up over food and workouts, and once I started conversations with questions about anything OTHER than diet and exercise, I found a new peace with my body and a whole wide world of interesting women. So, I invite you to Quit the Dieting Sorority too!


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Kim Schuld is a nationally published writer and speaker who spent over
twenty years in politics honing messages on complex issues. Kim now uses
her talents to help people see through confusion to pinpoint problems
and solutions, and to find their heart-felt callings as a life journey
coach. You can find out more about Kim by clicking here